


the ballad of (not a mother) xabier alonso-gerrard

by st_elsewhere



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Humor, Implied Mpreg, M/M, plot twist: danny is infatuated with xabi, stevie and xabi are married, stevie thinks it's cute though, that sucks for 'sassy' fernando, who is fernando's (not mother) papa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 18:26:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1698191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st_elsewhere/pseuds/st_elsewhere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>once upon a time, fernando had called his papa 'mommy' for <i>years.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	the ballad of (not a mother) xabier alonso-gerrard

**Author's Note:**

> hell-oh. this isn't my 100% to contribute to the great pairings. say, 49%-ish? i'm still tryna get me groove in this fandom. root for me yo.
> 
> comments and kudos are encouraged and appreciated. thank you. please enjoy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xabi fights the urge to sigh. he’s read it time and time again in one of his many parenting 101 manuals that it is advised not to sigh in front of your children, because children tend to misinterpret the gesture as a sign of mommy and/or daddy is disappointed in me and the memory of their mommy and/or daddy sighing will be carved deep in the back of their little heads they’re going to grow up as a wary kid.

fernando is only five. xabi’s been toying with education plans for his first (unless stevie wants some more) son to study medicine in the future. or law. or business, really, just like him. xabi also believes that fernando can’t grow up afraid of making mistakes! mistakes are good!

but only for this matter, xabi has to make sure that fernando won’t repeat the cute _but_ embarrassing mistake.

“niño, for the last time, it’s ‘papa’ not ‘mommy’!” he strokes fernando’s blond hair, sniffing in lieu of pouting. he’s had enough of stevie’s infuriating, smug grin throughout fernando’s monologue of his first week on preschool, he’s so not going to make his unhelpful husband getting his stupid liverpudlian head bigger than necessary.

fernando frowns from where he’s perched on stevie’s broad back clad in an old and frayed coldplay X & Y t-shirt, stopping building a tractor lego altogether to retort, “buuuuut niño was in your tummy, rite?”

xabi shifts on his side of the king sized bed, feeling the heat rushing to his cheeks. he ignores stevie’s twinkling blue eyes and mumbles a confirmation.

fernando shrugs. “then you’re my mommy. my friends have mommy and daddy. when niño say ‘papa’ not ‘mommy’ they dun understand...” he punches stevie’s arms with his tiny fists. “daddy! daddy you believe in niño, rite?”

“of course daddy believes in you,” stevie—the ever fernando josé alonso-gerrard’s number one fan—agrees easily, craning his neck to smile at the pouting boy.

and fernando scrunches his button nose at xabi as if he only needs his stupid daddy’s support to further emphasize his belief that xabi is a mommy, not a papa, because i was in _your_ tummy like my friends were in their _mommy’s_ tummies!

well, technically, xabi _is_ fernando’s mother...

“oh no, niño, _mommy_ is sulking!” stevie fakes his troubled gasp. it sounds way too obnoxious to xabi’s liking so he scoffs and juts out his bottom lip, crossing his arms and shifting his position until he’s practically sitting on the edge of the bed. he’s really not in the mood for stevie’s wry humor and fernando is not helping him at all by being stubborn (albeit cutely). it’s supposed to be a family get together lazy time! xabi missed his son so much during his business trip to dublin earlier this week, and the meeting with the dublin branch was hell to sum it up nicely.

and now he has to handle _this_?

“oh no!” at least fernando’s cute, troubled gasp is genuine. “oh no, mommy! i’m sowwy!” he leaps to xabi’s lap and throws his arms around xabi’s shoulders. stevie is positively beaming at how fernando addressed him just now.

xabi cradles fernando to his chest while he kicks one long leg to hurt stevie’s side but the so-called captain fantastic of liverpool FC dodges the vicious kick, sprawling on his back in a short-lived triumph because fernando’s legos must be hurting him.

“ha!” xabi hits stevie’s face with the nearest pillow. he holds fernando and stalks out of their bedroom, half-running. fernando doesn’t need to see his stupid daddy writhing on the bed like a worm, really.

 

✖

 

“mommy, excuse me, i need help with a homework.”

xabi immediately saves the strategic marketing plan that he and his team have been revising for the past couple of days, closes his laptop, and nods at fernando to come on in to his study. as a ten year old, fernando has established a habit to throw a tantrum whenever he so much has a feeling that his parents aren’t paying attention to him. 

“c’mere niño,” xabi gets up to move to the black leather sofa and pats the space next to him. “what’s the subject tonight?”

“it’s for PSHE, mommy, you see, miss bloom told us to write a 300 words paper about family,” fernando sits down and crosses his legs. he shows a blank page on his godzilla notebook to xabi. “we can add anecdotes about my family’s unique tradition or my family’s shared hobbies or what does family mean to me...”

“okay,” xabi nods, “what do you need help with? outlining your paper? 300 words is about five to seven paragraphs.”

“i was thinking to add something interesting about how you met daddy,” fernando smiles like an angel, tucking a strand of blond hair behind his left ear.

xabi tilts his head, has a sudden trip down memory lane, and flushes beet red seconds later.

fernando watches the transition with wide eyes, especially when his articulate mommy stutters, “h-have you asked your d-daddy?”

“daddy told me to ask you the details instead.”

right. _of course._

“do you need to get it done right now, niño?” xabi rubs his clean shaven face with both hands and leans back against the sofa. “where’s your daddy?”

fernando follows suit and bends his knees. “yes, please. daddy said he’s watching your favorite telenovela.”

“i never watc—! alright, niño, as you knew it already, your daddy was and still is the captain of liverpool FC and i'm a year younger than him. we met when i was in uni. all he did was mumbling to himself whenever we went on a date.” xabi leaves the detail that fernando was conceived after a drunken night of hazy sex. “you do realize your daddy can’t talk like a normal person, right?”

“what?!” fernando protests. “how could you!”

“but it’s true! he never said anything about what he felt for me back then. he just—” _used to_ take take take and take and being all miserable when i dated other people— “he never called. he just relied on fate to arrange us to meet on occasions.”

“but that’s romantic, mommy,” fernando scrunches his nose and hugs xabi’s chest. despite everything, xabi smiles down to his son. “i’m going to write ‘my father had an emotional constipation about my mother that he couldn’t figure out, but i know they’re so in love with each other i want to have the groovy kind of love like theirs’. how’s that sound?”

“that sounds wonderful.” xabi pinches fernando’s chin, suddenly stevie’s stupidity in the past is tolerable because stevie gave him such an extraordinary son. his nerves are exploding with happiness at the mere thought of stevie shuffling on his dirty sneakers with his hands hidden in the pockets of his (sexy, but don’t tell stevie that) bomber jacket as he asked, a decade ago, _how are you, xabier?_

“knock knock.”

and xabi can’t help but to beam like a fool when the man of his life sheepishly standing tall by the door mumbling i ordered pizza, anyone? and fernando seems to understand his mommy’s fondness for his daddy’s lameness because he shares a secretive smile with xabi and stevie—because he doesn’t like it when his son is bonding with anybody but him—attacks fernando and hauls him to his shoulders like a bag of rice, kidnapping him back to the living room.

see?

 

✖

 

when fernando is twelve, he starts calling xabi ‘papa’ again. he says he has classmates with two fathers nowadays, so it’s okay. xabi is well aware that fernando only allows smooches from stevie whenever they’re in public, but he deserves to be careless once in a while and so he presses a loud, wet kiss to fernando’s left cheek right in the middle of a busy family restaurant.

he’s so happy he doesn’t even bitch at stevie’s unapologetic libido as he spreads his legs for the second time that night, letting stevie sing quiet praises to the juncture of his sweaty neck even though he has a strict policy of no sex on weekdays i’m a busy businessman, stevie, corazon, ah ah _ah yes!_ nnnghh yes! there! _please!_

 

✖

 

“what’s the deal with your boyfriend, niño?” stevie jerks his head to the direction of that tall, gangly kid smiling and staring at xabi with undivided attention and xabi is, as always, oblivious to it all.

“why don’t you tell me, daddy?” fernando snaps back at him, clearly displeased by the classic display of a boyfriend smitten with said boyfriend’s mothe—papa. the seventeen year old sighs loudly, crossing his arms and pouting, shrugging off stevie’s attempt to draw him closer to his side on the living room’s sofa.

stevie enjoyed daniel? danwho?—danny’s polite questions about his football career as _the_ captain fantastic before xabi, who ran late to their family dinner to welcome fernando’s very first boyfriend, came home with his tie askew and his pale throat on display and then stevie has been watching how danny can’t take his eyes off of his husband like xabi is the most amazing creature ever graces the earth.

(he really is, and stevie makes sure to let xabi know how he _feels_ ever since he oh so accidentally eavesdropped xabi helping out fernando’s homework that fateful night.)

“ay, niño, what’s with the long face?” xabi approaches them and asks fernando with a teasing tone. he shoots a meaningful look at stevie before he plops himself down right on top of stevie’s lap.

ah.

“here’s your favorite green tea ice cream, love,” xabi has a big bowl of said flavor that stevie hates more than chelsea’s blue color. from his peripheral vision he sees danny standing by fernando’s side awkwardly, trying his best not to glance at their display of affection. fernando, meanwhile, is narrowing his eyes at them, at his usually tame enough parents, and yelps when xabi leans forward to lick stevie’s lips.

“oh my god!” he pulls the hem of danny’s black t-shirt with a big, grinning skull on the chest. “come on, danny, let’s go to my room!”

“um, see you later, sirs.” danny lifts his own bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream as if he’s waving. stevie can’t not see how danny seeks for xabi’s eyes as the two teenagers disappear behind a white wall full with xabi’s paraphernalia from his business trips all around the world.

and then xabi bites stevie’s left shoulder to muffle his giggle. his body shakes along with the uncontrollable mirth and stevie squeezes xabi’s waist tightly, slumping even more to the sofa, finally relaxed.

“there there,” stevie pats xabi’s back when his husband’s giggle hasn’t stopped. “what is it with you and younger boys, huh?” he rubs xabi’s left ear and xabi sighs at the touch.

“i’m not sorry i’m irresistible,” he says, his smirk is extra coy tonight. “you’re not jealous, are you?” he asks, swallowing a big spoonful of green tea ice cream that he loves more than cinnamon rolls (which stevie also hates because what’s with the exotic flavors, xabi, are you sure you’re not from venus? ow ow! hey, what’s with the violence, love?). 

“honestly? that was cute,” stevie untucks xabi’s white armani shirt from the slim cut black slacks and slips a hand to palm xabi’s warm skin.

xabi hums questioningly.

“what?” stevie thumbs one of xabi’s jutting hipbones.

“it’s only eight.”

“i can’t touch my own husband?”

“just keep it PG rated.”

“why? afraid your new fanclub president will see your insatiable side?”

“shut up or i’ll feed you my ‘planet venus’ ice cream.”

stevie mimes zipping up his lips and reaches out with his free hand for the flat screen remote. he settles on HBO after zapping through the channels, _the lord of the ring: the two towers_ is on. he rearranges xabi so the younger man can watch the epic movie while still snuggled up on his lap.

“better?” he asks, inhaling xabi’s coconut scented hair. 

“hmm,” xabi rubs his stubbled cheek to stevie’s clean one and when frodo and sam are getting off to the shore he whispers that i think we should give niño the talk, love, i think niño will not hesitate to sleep with danny anytime soon—a pause—you don’t want your son to get knocked up and get casted in teen mom, right? and if stevie is glaring and bulking up his biceps when danny bids goodbye a couple of hours later, well, don’t blame him just because he’s being overprotective of fernando! fernando is, after all, still his baby boy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
